Sleep is defined as (noun) 'A condition of body and mind such as that which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.'
I'd like to draw your attention to the 'several hours every night'.
You can keep your 50 shades of grey, your Brad Pitt in perfume, your fetish for shoes - whatever - and know that all I think about at the moment is sleep.
I try really hard not to bitch about the lack of sleep I get having young children. I may not always be successful but I do try. Yes I am tired but my daughters are such in blessing in themselves that sleep seems a small price to pay for having such joy but oh, I really really really miss the irresponsibility of a lie in or even the defined SEVERAL HOURS every night.
My girls have a neat set up at the moment where they take it in turns to be awake during the night or in need of cuddles and love so recently I haven't gone more than a couple of hours with consciousness suspended either practically or impractically. I appreciate that some people have babies that do this for years but I'm not sure I have it in me.
Basically - don't bother telling me anything you'd need kept secret in the event of torture or provocation. They would not need to dirty their hands. In fact they'd only have to offer me 8-10 hours of sleep in a big bed with cool pillows and a snuggly duvet and I'd tell them whatever they wanted to know if they led me to that bed.
I long for that opportunity to be woken by the morning sun and stretch out luxuriously before curling myself back into the foetal position and burrowing my head in my arm and returning to sleep. I dream of waking up in a leisurely fashion rather than pulled brutally in the world by a crying baby or a distressed 'Mummmmmy' from my toddler. I wish to roll out of bed slowly keeping my body aligned rather than jackknifing into an upright bolt.
And it'd be nice to have languid conversations about the weather and the upcoming day with my husband over breakfast rather than competitive tiffs about who slept most and who was most worthy of the title 'most tired' so we could head off to work with the kudos of being 'the better parent'. It's a valuable commodity sleep and one more precious to the two of at the moment for its scarcity. It's not quite Blood Diamond territory but my husband is more handsome than Leonardo.
To all of you in the same boat - big love and to all of you with the opportunity to sleep as you will. So jealous. So so so soooooooooooooooo jealous.