25 March 2014

This post will make me a social pariah

I have a confession to make which I realise, even as I write it, will permanently make me a social pariah.

I am so very bored by your cute cat and dog memes and videos.

I don't mind the pictures of your actual cat or dog.  I get that you love your pet(s) the way I love my children and those are the kind of thing I like to see scattered throughout my feeds.  Actually, considering the number of people I know that own strange animals I would like to extend this love to all your lizards, cows, goats, alpacas, rats, snakes, rabbits and relatives.

That's not even my biggest gripe
But giant dogs wrapped around their owners with cute captions about being scared of the vet? No.

Boo? No. 1000 times no.  It's a rat crossed with a dog dressed in a tutu.  No. No.

Cats hidden in dog litters? No.

Dogs trashing the joint and looking innocent with 'clever' captions? No

Cats pretending to be meerkats? No.

Dogs in glasses with scientific references? No.

Grumpy cat? I didn't find him interesting the first time let alone 7 billion shares later.  No.

Anything to do with dogs and American servicemen? No, no, no.

Cats with hitler moustaches? No.

Puppies saying they let the dogs out? No.

Cats playing pianos? No.

Dogs in cars? No.

Cats with heads in bread? No.

Ninja dogs? No.

If you have the time to be searching out and sharing these things you need a hobby, a partner or a job.  Possibly all three.  Together.  Where you don't have computer access.  Please.

Or join the appropriate support group.  If people can come together to talk about their compulsion for public masturbation there is probably a support group for your cat/dog meme thing.  And it's not something you'd have to lie to your mother about.

Please.

Save me.

For the love of Roscoe Arbuckle - save YOURSELVES.