28 April 2014

It's not them, it's you.

So around Australia today, people with school aged children are prepping lunches, ironing uniforms and saying to themselves 'so pleased THAT is over' as they coax their children out the door back into the world of learning.

And for the last few weeks the interweb hass been aflame with the exasperated laments of parents who feel that the school holidays lasted too long, about three minutes after the final bell of last term.  And because Australia inexplicably can't line up it's school holidays or time zones, it's not a neatly contained fortnight of lamentations but about a month's worth of reasons some people will never have children.

There's an element that runs through 99% of the upset though. And that is basically that YOU, the parent, are the unreasonable one.  Is it possible YOU set the bar so high, YOU were never going to enjoy the time with them? (If you already threw something at the screen, I'd leave this blog now - because YES I am suggesting that you might be the arse here not them)

I give you this example:

The zoo.  3pm or thereabouts.  Parent screaming at children 'I JUST WANTED A NICE DAY OUT WITH ALL OF US TOGETHER AS A FAMILY'.

Translation - 'I just spent $300 fucking dollars on tickets, crap food and parking and you will have a good time damn it and there will be good fucking photos to prove it or you better hope there's a fucking god'.

Or this example:

About to leave the house. 'NO WAY KIDDO ARE YOU GOING OUT IN PUBLIC WITH YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT, IN THAT OUTFIT OR GOING TO THE MOVIES WITH THAT PERSON'.

Translation - 'Oh for fuck's sake - how did I end up with my own version of the Osbourne family when I intended to raise the fucking Von Trapps?'



Or this example:

At a nice eatery, surrounded by people with seemingly beautifully behaved children. 'GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR NOSE AND EAT YOUR VEGETABLES OR THERE WILL BE NO DESSERT"

Translation - "Oh fuck. I've turned into my mother".

Sometimes kids don't want to hang out with their family, go to zoos, or have big day outings or dinner at Jamie Oliver.  They just want to play with their friends, make loom bands, see if they can pull off high heeled sneakers, prostitute chic and a trilby hat, and eat pizza.  They've probably had a great holiday apart from you being a shouty parent for two weeks.

And those beautifully behaved children at the next table? Bribed. No doubt about it.

What is something that you got cross about that you know deep down was because you sometimes forget that you have real people in your family, not the fantasy version that you dreamt up when you first got knocked up?



****
Linking up with the delightful Kimberley over at Melbourne Mum for the Laugh Linkup


****
Do you enjoy Talking Frankly? 
Please feel free to vote for me for the People's Choice Award by clicking on the image below.  
Entries close 5 May and all your support is most appreciated.