28 May 2014

My comfort zone does not contain 'the moment'

Babies are good at being 'in the moment'
You know when somebody says 'be in the moment'?

I rarely am.

There is always a little part of me that is watching me (normally with a sardonic expression on the face and a slight curl to the lip - something I can't actually achieve in reality).

It's because I'm incredibly self conscious.  Always have been.  Being in the moment is not my comfort zone.  No sirree.

So while I'm not big on being overly criticised, I'm not big on being overly praised.  I like a nice 'well done', 'lovely', or even a 'you are the best' and we can carry on.  I find any kind of extremism discomfiting but particularly when aimed at me.

So you know how I'm a long distance runner now?  No?  You must be new to the blog (cackles gleefully). I ran 23 kilometres last week to raise some money for cancer and couldn't sit down unaided for about 48 hours.  And you can imagine how awkward that was as a) I was rehydrating and b) don't have a penis.

Anyway, decided to use my health insurance and go and get a 'remedial sports massage'.  First session - legs (pain free peeing - SUCCESS).  Second session - back - oohhhhhhhhh HEAVEN.

New masseuse.  She's lovely.  And really incredibly good at the massage thing.  And the professional advice thing - you know the stretching, the epsom salts, the restarting the training (ha ha).

She's also really nice and incredibly new age.  Like more than Bronwyn.  THAT new age.

She kept saying things like -

'Honour your achievement with all your body'

'I can feel your strength, focus in on how amazing you are'

'Be in the moment, let go of the pain, hold onto your courage and commitment'

And so on.

I felt like a fraud.

I loved the massage, but I was seriously blushing.  "I ran for money. I bitched the whole time.  I'm still bitching.  And profaning."  And she laughed and said something like "I see your spirit is modest".

Bless.  No.  I'm an arse.

As she kept poking around in my back and I was thinking how amazing it was that somebody can push a muscle in your shoulder and you can feel a muscle relax in your foot, she encouraged me to breathe strongly like the warrior I was and will continue to be.

I accidentally snorted trying not to giggle and had to pretend I just needed a tissue.  Could I be any more infantile?

And you know, I am pleased with my achievement. I really am.  But lovely lady, when you massage that brilliantly, you don't need to be nice.  I'm coming back anyway.  Though I may make up a story about tripping over an old lady so you think less of me.  Just to save you from being new age and lovely to the undeserving.

What about you?  Is there a type of encouraging speak which makes you twitch like a six year old boy just before bell rings?

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