2 October 2014

Getting poo out of wedding dresses and other tutorials from dreamland

Okay - I get that my brain is on high rotation at the moment, I'm not sleeping and when I'm trying to sleep my children are not - I know that when your brain is like that - weird stuff goes down in subconscious town.

And last night was an absolute pearler.

I featured in my own dreams as cleaning expert, dressed suspiciously like Jo Frost from Super Nanny, who was brought in to sort out people's cleaning emergencies.

Firstly, I was flown into the Clooney/Alamuddin wedding to demonstrate how to use Woolworths Fragrance Free baby wipes to remove a poo stain from her dress just before the wedding started.  And as a result of saving the Oscar La Renta dress and the good woman herself from certain death by media - I was invited to the reception but I turned down the invitation because I had to pick the girls up from childcare.

We are all aware that this is not a woman
who would need 'that wipe woman'
I'm a committed parent, what can I say?

Then, I get invited on the Ellen show and end up with my own spin off training show demonstrating the superior powers of baby wipes for pretty much everything EXCEPT cleaning baby bottoms. People with babies already understand how living without wet wipes now seems inexplicable and probably impossible.

So for the vast array of people that we call 'public' I had video tutorials on cleaning grills, jewellery, car windows, computers, make-up stains on clothing, silver fridges, bicycle spokes, BBQs, public transport hand rails, champagne glasses and even a special one for that Nick Cannon fellow who just bought the world's most expensive shoes. You name it - I could clean it with baby wipes and was willing to show you how you could too.  

Nick Cannon's shoes
I was doing all this in high heels, a bun, spectacles and a dress that did nothing for the va va voom curves I'm sporting.

They called me 'that wipe woman'.  And I was thrilled, a little proud even and I had BUSINESS CARDS made up with 'that wipe woman' on them.

I'm still feeling slightly discombobulated not least of which is due to the fact that Clooney had 'that wipe woman' in his favourites list on his iPhone.

And then I was jolted awake so I don't know how the dream ends or what I was supposed to learn from it.  All I know is that I woke up with the blog title stuck in my head.  Maybe that's supposed to be the title of my best selling book - or maybe I'm destined to have a television career demonstrating the usefulness of wet wipes and the Jo Frost imagery was a dire warning to ensure I get a decent stylist before filming starts?

Who knows.  Not me. But one thing is certain - it's making Hootsuite scheduling seem a little bland this morning.

What about you?  How did you sleep?


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