"Does your underwear match?"
Why do I need it urgently? Because in the early hours of the morning, when I was so wide awake that I was awaker than a very awake thing, I clicked through a series of articles and ended up at some website that said they had PROOF that women who didn't wear matching underwear WERE DEMONSTRATING THEIR LACK OF CARE FOR THEMSELVES, THEIR FAMILIES AND THE WORLD AROUND THEM.
|but they love to get free records|
So basically, I already feel pretty lousy during the 3am 'wideawakes' and then I found out I'm responsible for CLIMATE CHANGE, MISOGYNY, SLAVERY, DAESH, FAMINE, POVERTY, ADDICTION and VELOUR, to name but a few.
I was ashamed. Because you see - while the idea of wearing matching underwear is perfectly lovely, it stopped being a priority about... oh so long ago I was probably in my twenties. I carelessly and thoughtlessly just buy underwear that is comfortable and fits properly. That said I might choose different coloured bras to work with different coloured tops and dresses but I prefer my underpants the way I prefer my bowties - black.
And until the early hours of this morning I only gave my approach to underwear any thought WHEN I NEEDED NEW UNDERWEAR.
I know. I can hear your gasps of righteous indignation from here. I have failed women everywhere.
How do I demonstrate my individuality if not by wearing matching underwear in colours that 'represent the vibrancy of my true self'?
How do I make sure my husband is getting the best from me when I don't start the day considering what colour underwear will reflect my mood?
How do I explain to my children that the violence visiting the world is because I am one of those women who don't start the day with my bloomers and bra in cosmic alignment?
No wonder I have made poor life choices since I am one of those women that DON'T CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES ENOUGH TO WEAR MATCHING UNDERWEAR.
I cause the chaos in the world around me by not wearing matching underwear. And I know also that you need to be TYPING IN CAPITALS TO MAKE A POINT.
So females of the world IS it just me? Or are there other women out there ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT?
Anyone? Anyone? Helllooooooooooooo?