I'm not a Valentine's grinch. In this crazy world where people spend half the time hatin' and half the time being hated on, I'm all for anything that gets us focussed on what we love about the special people in our lives.
And if Hallmark make a fortune because you are too lazy to take your guitar into town and serenade your lover at work than you need to accept responsibility and not lament that you've been forced into the cult of conspicuous consumption.
My dad for years left Valentine cards under the pillows of his daughters. So there was never a year all through the ugliness that is puberty that I didn't get a Valentine's card. Thank you Papa. That shit matters when you're young.
Wondering about whether we needed to start this little tradition at our place I asked the girls recently if they knew anything about Valentine's Day and my two year old said no, and my four year old wondered if it included cake. I think we can leave the anonymous cards for another year or two.
Though we might run with the cake thing purely to improve my parental standing. #justcallmeMamaHallmark
Anyway - here are my top five tips to acing Valentine's Day if you're in a relationship.
1. Tell your partner you love them by saying I love you.
2. Show your partner you love them - pour them a coffee or shag them - whatever.
3. Do not take them to see 50 Shades of Grey
4. Make them laugh
5. Buy Cheezels and share them. Everybody loves Cheezels.
Top five tips to acing Valentine's Day if you're single.
1. Ring a friend and tell them you love them. You're single, not friendless, get over yourself.
2. Do not go and see 50 Shades of Grey.
3. Buy yourself a Valentine's card that sums up how brilliant you are. Display it.
4. Dine alone, take a book and take your time.
5. Buy Cheezels and eat the whole freaking box.
Top five tips to acing Valentine's Day if you're a Valentine Grinch.
1. Keep it quiet, being a miserable git reflects well on nobody
2. See first point.
3. See first point.
4. See first point.
5. See first point.
Happy Valentine's Day beloved and very appreciated readers of mine.
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