"Show me a body part, I'll show you someone who's making money by telling women that theirs looks wrong and they need to fix it. Tone it, work it out, tan it, bleach it, tattoo it, lipo it, remove all the hair, lose every bit of jiggle," - Jennifer WeinerYes. For the love of Colin. Yes. And the one that's currently up for dissection is poor Cindy who IS or IS NOT doing the right thing on behalf of all womankind. Because even people who don't make money out of it critiquing body parts has jumped on the bandwagon and has an opinion about what you should be doing with your own body.
All this furore about Cindy Crawford having a belly that's not taut enough to bounce a penny off. The woman's close to fifty for pete's sake and if she hasn't found better things to do with her time then do sit ups obsessively - well more fool her.
And for all you women decrying magazines for being deceitful little tarts - you're grown women FFS. Surely you've worked out by now that the only person that looks exactly the same in real life as they do in magazines or on the screen is Neil Patrick Harris. That man didn't just find the fountain of youth, he damn well drank the lot and blocked the pipes the greedy chappie.
Look I KNOW. I DO KNOW that there are generations of children systematically being subjected to unrealistic images about body type. I know that we need to work on young people's self esteem so that they are resilient enough to love the body they are in and to love the bodies of their friends just the way they are and even OH MY FREAKING GOD to love the bodies of women who are paid to have clothes draped over them when all of us freaking clothes hangers which do the same job for a fraction of the cost.
I KNOW. But it's not our young people freakin' out like toddlers denied a chocolate frog.
It's the grown ups.
I KNOW that when you wake up and are feeling ugh and you look at the front cover of a magazine you think 'Wouldn't it be a fine thing to be rich as Croesus and able to afford a chef, trainer, stylist, hairdresser and make-up artist to send you out in the world looking like that each morning?'. I KNOW that we need to hold industries accountable and march with our feminist principles tucked under our arm in collective rage and angst.
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF COLIN - can we accept some personal responsibility here people?
We know that one person is blessed with the face of Lupita Nyong'o and the rest of us are blessed with our own faces. We know that we can be the same height as somebody else and the same weight as somebody else and all of us look and feel incredibly different.
So why the freakin' outpouring of indignation every single time we find out somebody is photoshopped? Why do we congratulate people on being brave enough to be featured without photoshopping or with a face free of make-up? Most of us do this ALL THE FUCKING TIME, me included, and nobody is lauding my extraordinary contribution to the human race.
And I'll have you know my husband and daughters think I'm beautiful. Even when I'm not convinced myself. However - my face keeps my brains from falling down my dress so IT DOES THE FREAKING JOB.
So let's step up and take some responsibility for this tsunami of outrage, the ragged screeching of mere mortals somehow found wanting by the gods who decree what is 'perfect' this week.
If you are consumed with rage every time you look at a magazine that has a pretty face in it - stop reading the magazines and get a grip. If you find a 'leaked photo' of a celebrity on the internet - don't see it as a calling to mob mentality but remember that it's just one 48 year old woman in a world of 7 billion plus people and be pleased that of all the issues she could have in life, hers is definitely one you'd pick for yourself.
And in the meantime just love on yourself. And on others. None of us look the same. And we're all fucking
perfection from where I am sitting. And from Pink's point of view too. And she makes a lot of sense a lot of the time.
And just one last thing about Cindy - "WE HAVE MATCHING TUMMIES - I'M A FUCKING SUPERMODEL."
If you want to see more of what goes on when I'm not writing this blog
follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram
And sign up HERE to become a Franklophile and get the newsletter