20 September 2016

On the road back to me

28 days ago today I was pretty much rock bottom.

27 days ago I wrote a piece about living with depression and the importance of asking people about themselves.

12 days ago the piece was published and like many people I read what I had written, and truth is, I was slightly discomfited by my honesty.

Everybody has a talent!
I would never have been that honest normally. Self deprecating humour or conversation deflection are my special talents.

I don't mind sharing stories about my mental health, but normally I do it when I'm feeling on top of things, not when I'm wading through the debris of my own malfunctioning amygdala.

I don't mind admitting that seeing how low I went scared the shit out of me. Still does.

I'm in a much better place now. A combination my beloved man, new meds, my lovely psych,  and a truly tremendous amount of support from my friends. The kind that says I'm not alone. The kind that has asked what I can I do? The kind that has told me I am loved. The kind that has grounded me when I was not able to ground myself.The kind that has been kind.

So much kindness out there.

So much.

But what I wasn't expecting was the connection. So many people that I knew, but even more that I did not know. They had walked my walk. Cried my tears. Felt my feelings. Wanted to say what I said. Found it hard to articulate. Said nothing.

The heartbreaking stories came from those that had said something and heard nothing but deafening silence in return.

Nothing from their families. Nothing from friends. Nothing from colleagues. Some even heard nothing from their partners.

And that silence made them feel like nothing.

My heart broke for these people. Because that is a terrible way to feel. I know that feeling.

I'm not being smug, it's not like the world changed instantly for me writing so openly. There are many close to me that have not said a word in all the time they know I've been living with depression, and the years and experience have taught me not to expect them to say anything.

But some people did. So many people did. I was the recipient of so much love and kindness that I was, and remain, truly humbled.

So thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you that reached out.

Every word and every action was an extraordinary gift to me for which I am eternally grateful.

Because of you, I'm on the road back to me.

If you want to see more of what goes on when I'm not writing this blog
follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

     
And sign up HERE to become a Franklophile and get the newsletter.