4 April 2019

Too much and not enough

Little one. I see you and my heart explodes. It also aches for you sometimes.

You're only seven and already the world is busy telling you how you are too much and not enough.

You're too loud. Too noisy. Too exuberant. Too talkative. Too energetic. Too everything.

Except for when you're not.

Then you're not paying attention. You're not listening. You're not focussing. You're not doing as you are told. You're not conforming. 

Because this is what it is all about. 

The world wants you to be what they are comfortable with and your natural self doesn't pay any attention to what the world is comfortable about.

You are energy. You are joy. You are rage. You are loud. You are loving. You are kind. You are emphatic. You are fierce. You are just the way you are supposed to be.

And yes that self - that self - can be a right pain in the arse sometimes. It can drive your parents to distraction and your beloved sister to tears of frustration.

Ignore us until we learn to live alongside your beautiful you. Ignore any person at all that tries to make you into a different, quieter, smaller you. Never let your true self be dimmed. Not one iota. You can wear what you damn please. Be as loud as you want. You can say no. You can demand the world be better suited to people like you who know what they want and when they want it. 

Be as fierce, as joyful, as deliciously gleeful as you want. You can be mad, you can be cranky, you can be loud. You can change your mind as often as you want. 

Just don't change you. 

Your true self might be too much and not enough for some but your true self is a beautiful thing to behold. You are at heart curious and compassionate. You look for reasons to like people. You want to share every experience in all its details with all your friends. You have empathy and a fierce sense of justice. Your commitment, love and loyalty to your sister is wondrous to behold. Your heart might sometimes be furious but it is ever so loving. That's a gift my girl. A true gift. 

You will need to earn to walk softly when you feel like stomping and to utter polite words rather than hurl profanities as you age. Compromise is part of life. We need to adapt our behaviour and fit in with the world sometimes. That's just part of being on a planet with 7 billion other people who are all completely individual. But never, and I mean NEVER, at the expense of your true self. Always seek out people that love you for the you that you are, not a version of yourself that other people find more palatable or more socially acceptable. 

Never stop asking why when we ask you to do something that makes no sense. Never stop that wonderful ability to lose yourself in a moment or a task that looks like you're not paying attention when we want you to do something else. Never stop questioning. Never change who you are 'just because', and never change because somebody wants you to do things differently. And that includes us your family as well as society at large.

I admire your tenacity and your joy. As your mama, I'm going to try so hard to let you be just the way you are for always. I never want you to doubt yourself, to second guess yourself or to live with the lack of self esteem that comes when you are not allowed to be who you truly are. 

You are loved in every single way, every single day. 

You are neither too much nor are you not enough.

You are perfect just the way you are. 



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