20 August 2013

Cute at four, not at near 40

A few days past, my toddler's BFF had an accident.  Not an "oh no lost my face to a bear kind of accident", but an "oops, should have mentioned I was pooping kind" kind of accident.

Which was fine.  Because her mother was here and I didn't have to deal with it.  COME ON PEOPLE - stop judging.  Poo that isn't genetically yours is even less cool than poo that is - you know it, I know it. 

And I went and got a pair of undies as a replacement option.  And it occurred to me that while sharing underpants with your BFF when you're a toddler is okay, it becomes all sorts of weird when you're older.

To be frank, if the BFF's mum - who is one of my dearest friends - said to me, can I borrow a pair of underpants because mine are dirty? - IT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.  

There is no coming back from that.  That is weird.  Odd.  Icky.  I would have judged her and found her wanting.  And in possession of a pair of underpants that belonged to me.  I'm a bit awkward like that - even if I find something just TOO WEIRD, I'm still agreeable about it so as not to cause unpleasantness. 
And it got me thinking about what else is endearing in a toddler and just odd later on in life. 

Licking people you like
You know that stage where they just lick you?  For no instantly apparent reason. If you ask why they say "Because I like you".  Now try that as an adult. Just walk up to somebody you like and lick their arm.  Go on, I dare you.

Public partial nudity
You're shopping, they're hot.  You're looking one way, you turn back and they have stripped off their jeans and are standing in their knickers and dropping their jeans into your trolley.  Perfectly logical.  But less acceptable when your chubby knees and dimpled backside are closer to 40 than 4.

Small people farting, giggling and whispering toddler style (ie: yelling) 'Mama, I did a FARP' is kinda cute, especially when they say Farp, instead of Fart.  But any adult that yells "I did a Fart" while on public transport is going to be assumed deranged, filmed and put on YouTube.

"Why does that man have such a big tummy?", "Do you have a willy?", "Look - that man has boobs like mummy", "My bottom hurts - does your bottom hurt?", "No, you're not funny", "That's not singing, that's just noise" and the list goes on.  Honesty as an adult is more successful when applied with a liberal dose of 'least said, soonest mended'.

Eating off the floor
Small people will eat anything unless it's the food you're trying to feed them.  Chalk. Shoes. Lint. Boogers. Dirt. Grass. Bugs. Snails. Dog food. Buttons. Unidentifiable objects.  And if they've just dropped something they like and stood on it, they'll still eat it.  You can dismiss it as 'ahhhh builds their immune systems up' but if a colleague dropped cake, stood on it and ate it - they'd be the stuff of workplace folklore in seconds.

What are some of your 'okay in a toddler but not in an adult' observations?


  1. 1. Bursting in to the bathroom without even a by-your-leave
    2. The need to watch someone else's bodily functions be cleaned up (complete with head tucked in way too close and questions/comments about said bodily functions)
    3. Prising someone else's eyes open with their fingertips - generally at some ungodly hour and to ask some ridiculous question, such as: 'how does that song I like go again?' (strangely, as a mum, I usually know which song, how it goes and the words s/he says instead of what it is supposed to be).
    4. walking around with spaghetti bolognese dripping from eyebrows/nose/ears/t-shirt
    5. Singing (the likes of): 'Hey, sixon lady' to a grandmother (followed by 'whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp oppan gangnam style')

    I could go on...

    1. Getting about in a fairy/batman/whatever costume at the shops
    2. Eating spaghetti with your hands, and then shoving the bowl off the table when you have decided you are "pinished"
    3. Shouting vehemently at people "YOU BUM!"
    4. Weeing in the bath, on the grass at the park

  3. You would think that it would be more okay as a toddler to have fisticuffs over face painting than as an adult (not that I'm condoning it at either age!), but we sure got proven wrong on that one ;)

    Also, Mil took great pleasure in announcing to anyone that would listen that she was wearing her BFF's undies. Sharing is caring, right?

  4. 1. Running down the street/shopping centre/supermarket etc singing the words to your favourite TV show, eg Peppa Pig or Thomas the Tank Engine, as loud as you can.
    2. Telling everyone, in every shop where you have been and where you are going and what Mummy just bought etc etc etc.
    3. I agree with the bodily functions comment from Loueze and also add intensely scrutinise other peoples body parts at very close range and ask questions about said body parts.