4 August 2013

Violence and face painting don't mix

People are baffling.

People that threaten to rape people because they run a petition to get Jane Austen on a bank note. People who deface memorial pages. People that drive at 20 kph in 60 kph zones. People that idolise Justin Bieber.  People that hate on people because they are gay. People that fear refugees. Helen Razer's forty year grump. People that pay $120 for lululemon yoga pants even though they are made in the same material and factory as your $8 Kmart ones.  People who travel the world but only share photographs of their coffees on Instagram.  People who don't use deodorant but still use public transport. People that don't stand up for older people on buses. People who can't see without change we'd have no butterflies.


Today, three families took advantage of free children's entertainment at the local shopping centre which was celebrating it's third birthday by giving free stuff to customers.  In fact, we took advantage yesterday and snuck in a meet and greet with Dora.  Free entertainment featuring much beloved characters should NEVER be underestimated.

So today, there was a Peppa Pig concert and the small people were transfixed (mostly)...

 And then with happiness in our every step and adorability factor at an 11/10, we went up to have our FACES PAINTED.  This is the equivalent of scoring free wine at a free gig.  Or as my grandmother might have said 'the icing on the cake'.

And then we had to queue.  Which was a bummer but my grandmother probably also said something like 'there is no such thing as a free lunch', which might be translated into something like people getting free face painting shouldn't expect no queues as well.

Now, this face painter was good.  Exceptional.  (Sneak peek of end result just for context)

But with such talent came a slightly longer than average 'time per face', so even though we were fairly forward in the queue it was taking a while.  And as I do, I got chatting to the lady in front of us in the queue and said 'there will be child biffo if the line doesn't get a move on', and she laughed and said 'or parental biffo'.  And we chortled.

And then.... BIFFO!

Two men at the front of the queue started yelling abuse about whether one had pushed in and what appropriate queue etiquette was and how many places you could 'hold'.  And the lady and I smiled wryly at each other and turned our little people's heads away from the silly men.  All of a sudden, there is a push, the shouting gets louder and there is chest bumping going on.  Wives are looking embarrassed, a man is intervening to stop the guys beating the shit out of each other, security is being called, the face painter is looking anxious, children are being bustled away from the front of the queue, casual observers vanish and we are all left looking at little perplexed about face painting escalating into violence.

No, you shouldn't push in.

Yes, you should challenge idiots.

But it was face painting.  Cheating at a face painting queue is not setting a good example, abusing people is not a good example, punching other people in front of your children is not a good example, embarrassing your partner is not a good example.

Actions which result in your children missing out on a face painting experience they have just queued for is NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE.

People are baffling.  And face painting?  Well that shit just got hard core!


  1. I maintain that this was my most entertaining Sunday in quite some time. So baffling that it was hilarious.

  2. Unbelievable! I'd love to leave a thoughtful comment but I'm speechless. Ok, something's coming to me now. You could count on one hand the number of times my boys have had their faces painted because I hate queues so much. I go and buy ice creams instead.

    1. Worse, it was one little person's first face painting experience and I don't think their parents are going to take my suggestions too seriously in the future :-)

  3. Jeeebuzzz what is wrong with people? People are stupid sometimes. I do wonder if those sort of people go home and have regrets late at night or are those blokes sitting around their mates BBQ 3 years later still feeling proud and crowing about the day they beat up a Dad in front of his children. Sadly I suspect the second.

    1. I suspect that too many people maintain the rage for disproportionate amounts of time.