6 May 2014

Bah humbug - most of us just aren't that lovely.

I'm grateful for a lot of things.

I really, truly am.

I could list them.  But that would use up several posts worth of material and no blogger ever wants to do that.

But I'm not grateful all the time.

I'm willing to bet money I've never been grateful 100 days in a row.  Oh don't scoff.  Bet you haven't either despite all your best efforts.

Sometimes, it's true, that despite trying to live mindfully, we live mindlessly.

An (obviously rare right sweetheart?) example is I get cross at my husband because he leaves lights on all over the house like we are some kind of all year round Christmas display, rather than being grateful that he's just tidied the house that our children just trashed.

And I don't feel grateful that he doesn't mention it, I just get crosser that he's being such a smug bastard and all holier than thou, like I never do anything around the house.  I mean I run our lives, make the world turn and make sense of the universe every single minute of every single day, why is he just sitting there huffing at me like I'm the unreasonable one?

Then I get on Facebook and somebody has posted, 'Here is an autumn leaf #100daysgrateful for the seasons.'  And I'm all - a leaf?  I know you girlfriend and the only time you've ever noticed nature was when you accidentally stepped in dog shit.  A leaf! You're making up gratitude you turkey.  What about being grateful for the trillion dollar boots your sugar daddy bought you but now you never wear because you once stepped in dog shit!!!!!!  A leaf?  Bah!

(And no, as I recall I wasn't even grateful that mind reading has not been invented though my beautiful man was probably VERY grateful that something had distracted me from being cross at him  - it's okay people.)

And this inability to be grateful all the time, contrary to popular belief, does not make you a bad person.  Nobody is grateful all the time.  Life happens and we just get on with the business of living and sometimes that means that we are unreasonably cross or even just out of sorts for a short while.

This doesn't mean you're ungrateful, or lack perception, or permanently an arse.  It means you've had a bad day, perhaps not got a lot of sleep or maybe just maybe, you've got other stuff going on which you can't talk about, so you're not feeling like appreciating whatever is actually the splendiferous part of your life.  Or autumn leaves.

And own that people.  If we were grateful all the time, we'd be smug and dimensionless and we would have no friends.  No friends at all.  Because everybody secretly hates good people.  They make us feel bad.  Which is why I don't like most of my friends actually.  Because I dislike good people and beautiful people and yet all my friends are one or both.  Hmmm.  And occasionally they uncharacteristically post autumn leaves.  Conundrum.

Anway, like a lot of people, sometimes all I want is to be left alone to be shitty and unreasonable.  Or more truthfully, sometimes I want an audience for shitty and unreasonable and unfortunately for my husband sometimes he's the only audience I can locate at the precise time of meltdown.  And I'm not the only person.  Lots of people forget to be mindfully grateful every minute of every day.  And lots of us have chosen life partners with a stupid amount of patience.

Gratitude is awesome.  It is.  We should be.  Much more than we are probably.  And it's good to try.  And it is really quite sweet at some levels that people look so hard for something in their first world lives to be grateful for for such a concerted amount of time.  But for the rest of us, it's absolutely perfectly okay to take part in #100daysofbeinggratefuleverysecondorthirdday.

People that know you love you any way and the others can kiss their autumn leaves.

Grateful to Essentially Jess for the opportunity to link up today with #IBOT

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