13 May 2014

Cake, gays and football

So you know how I'm a BIG BIG sports fan....

Okay. So I am not.  But I have heard of Michael Sams.

This is Michael Sams in his football gear
He's an American footballer that told people he was gay.  This was big news because apparently your sexual orientation can prevent you from playing football properly.

So, in a very sporting manner he let everybody know before the draft.  Now the draft is when you do or don't get chosen to play for a team.  Apparently it's not based on your sexual orientation but your ability to play the game.  So why Michael had to tell anybody is a little confusing.

But I'm not really into sports.  So a little bit like the offside rule being explained to me about shopping for handbags, I'm still no clearer.  Because I don't know what game the offside rule applies to and I'm unlike to get competitive about handbag shopping.  I know, two failings in one paragraph.

Anyway, because Michael's sexual orientation has nothing, or everything, to do with being selected to play football, there was a news crew there to record Michael's reaction if he did, or did not, get selected.
And he did.  By St Louis' Rams.  He was the 264th selection.  I don't know what that means but it's mentioned a lot.  But anyway, he was excited, he cried, he kissed his partner and then threw cake around.
This is a picture of a cake
A rainbow cake - see what I did there? OFFENSIVE
Apparently even at his partner.  Now his partner didn't get upset by all this cake throwing but a lot of people have gotten upset about the kissing.  Because apparently we don't need to see that on TV.  All the people are not upset about it being two males kissing, nope, absolutely no homophobes here, it's about the kissing.  We don't need to see cake throwing and kissing like that on our TV.

And then, because I was reading the article at 4am, I was obviously a little befuddled and I READ THE COMMENTS.  Do not make this mistake.  It turns out that we ARE upset about the boy kissing boy bit because apparently in the bible it says that you can't play football if you kiss boys and also that kissing boys and throwing cake on TV will make young boys that want to play football think that you have to kiss boys.  Or something.  It was the vilest, most putrid list of petty mindedness I have read in a long time. Well apart from the budget. And whoever Conchita of Canberra is - shame.

Now, we know bigotry pisses me off. People who obsess about where other people put their tongues and body parts are just strange.  And complaining about kissing on TV.  Really - REALLY?  That was the best thing you could think of complaining about?  Did you complain about Kanye and Kim's motorbike ride?  Did you complain about Monica and Chandler getting it together?  Do you boycott The Farmer meets a wife? Did you write in horror at Spiderman getting the girl?

To be completely fair, wind farms are more offensive then kissing.  And wind farms are not offensive at all.  So if it's NOT the 'act' of kissing that is offensive, that leaves the cake and the fact that he kissed a bloke.

Which means the vast majority of commenters are homophobes. Some were offended by black homosexuality too which makes them racist homophobes.  A lot of people seemed upset about the mess made with the cake making them racist, homophobic, cake lovers.

So let's sort this out - Michael, please.  Stop wasting cake.  It's upsetting people.

And the rest of you are bigots.  Yes.  Bigots.  B. I. G. O. T. S.

Please, take my advice, whenever you wish to demonstrate your bigotry, stupidity and pettiness - eat cake.  It'll make the world a lot nicer place for pretty much everybody.

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