22 May 2014

I'd biddy biddy bum

"If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man."
(Fiddler on the roof)

What does the dream look like for me?  If I was so fabulously wealthy that money really became no object what would I do?  How would I know I was 'living the dream'?

Would I build a dinosaur park?  Buy private planes? Drop cash from helicopters? Give a scholarship to the Prime Minister's daughter?  Splash out on a wardrobe of designer clothes?

I was pondering this in the early hours of the morning today during my regular pre-dawn random insomniac hour where I wake up and spend time uselessly focussed on the most obscure things.

And I know exactly what would define my new life as 'wealthy'.

I'd have a full time cook or two.  Somebody or bodies (I mean people need a life I don't mind them job sharing because I'm super wealthy now and can afford to be magnanimous to the little people) to plan the food for this family and do the cooking.

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I have a theory in life that happy couples consist of somebody with a passion for cooking hooking up with somebody who doesn't give a rats bottom.  However, neither Nick or I care much for cooking and so we cook what we need to, in as few pans as possible, as quickly as possible so we can get it over and done with and get on with life.

Rest assured we're happy but imagine how much happier we'd be if we never had to think about what we ate, we just ate!  It would be utopia.

Not for us this hours of time in the kitchen, sampling recipes and lovingly dabbing flour on each other's noses.  We're more - what can be done with half a cucumber, some cold sausages, tinned soup and left over Easter egg?

Shows like Masterchef or My Kitchen Rules or Jamie Oliver's ten minute muffins bore us rigid.  The fact that people subscribe to cookery channels leaves us baffled.  Don't be fooled here - we enjoy eating good food, well prepared and put together by somebody with half a clue, we just don't like doing it ourselves.

So that would be living the dream.  Somebody to prepare yummy, nutritious food and just give it to us at the appropriate time.  Sometime that knew how to turn old bananas into banana bread rather than just buying the banana bread pan and putting it unused into the cupboard.  Somebody who loves to scour cookery books and take inspiration from them.  Somebody who would get a kick out of grating zucchini into a wet mess to stick into muffins so the children got their vegetable intake without knowing it.

Somebody that could identify quinoa and understands that caviar is only palatable with a spoonful of Vegemite on the same cracker.  Somebody that understands that we really don't care what we eat as long as it's yummy and caters for my 'please make sure all animals are completely dead before you put them on my plate' thing.  Somebody that could ensure I never had to touch raw chicken again.

That my friends is the dream.  My own personal chef/s.  I'll even buy them the hat.

What would be the sign that you officially had too much money?

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