7 July 2014

10 signs the apocalypse is coming

Forget the four horsemen.  Though they may yet come thundering in to deliver to us the most terrifying of last judgements (or pop up in a movie with Hugh Jackman - whatevs), there are already some clear signs that the end of the world is upon us.

These ten things happened in the midst of real life over the last few days so the end of the world is not only nigh, but pretty imminent, like we are TOTES GONSKIS guys.

  1. On the Friday she did bake banana bread and put it in the oven before 8.30 am.
  2. On the Sunday she did bake banana bread and put it in the oven before 9.00 am.
  3. On the Friday and the Sunday she did organise her kitchen cupboards and she has not lived there yet two years.
  4. On the Wednesday she did fit into the green jeans she has not fit into for nigh on one year and she praised the benefits of eating badly and not exercising. 
  5. On the Thursday she did mourn the demise of her favourite pair of jeans and she did dispose of them instantly rather than put them in the cupboard in case she did one day taketh up the sewing.
  6. On the Friday, feeling cocky because of the green jean incident, she did fit into the skinny jeans she hath not graced since the birth of her second child and she did this standing up.  True. 
  7. On the Saturday she did layeth a child down who went straight to sleep without so much as a peep or a murmur or a request for 'water', 'book', 'cuddle', 'discussion on the finer points of magic flying shoes'. 
  8. On the Sunday she did participate in a family photo in which everyone did look most charming.
  9. On the Saturday she did attend a gathering most amiable at the Morgan's residence and none of her children required a hospital visit, lost teeth or sustained any kind of injury which dideth scareth her half to death.  (Sorry Samsam)
  10. On the Monday before the day beginneth she did ask three relevant questions about the grand
    prix which indicated she was most interested in her husbands passions and interests.
Photo: Reuters
These things never happen.  Not in my world.  EVER.  So they must be signs.  (And not that everything is awesome Mr Cole)

What cluster of 'things' would indicate the apocalypse is nigh in your neck of the woods?  


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